"Any woman who chooses to behave like a full human being should be warned that the armies of the status quo will treat her as something of a dirty joke. That's their natural and first weapon." ~ Gloria Steinem

Thursday, June 10, 2010

A Treatise On Snack Order

Yes, I hear you. Snack order? What does that mean?

Well, see, at zoo camp, full day classes get morning snack and afternoon snack. Each week we have the same five morning snacks and the same five afternoon snacks; the precise order in which these snacks are provided varies. Thus, a treatise on snack order.

Seriously? Why does any reasonable adult give a shit about snack order?

Why? I'll tell you why.

It is my opinion that the quality and quantity of Monday morning snack is of utmost importance. Preferably, one should assign bananas, graham crackers, and water to Monday morning; this snack is most certainly the least desirable of all available options, as most kids do not love bananas and graham crackers. They like them, and they will eat them, but they do not love them. When the b/g.c./w combo is served on Monday morning, a Wednesday snack of goldfish crackers, string cheese, and individual cans of grape juice is bliss. It's the best snack ever, period. Juice? We've been having water all week; score!!!

But just for the sake of argument, let's say you give them the g.c./s.c./g.j. combo on Monday. And then you give them b/g.c./w on Tuesday. That's when you get whining, and "I don't want water, because I think you're hiding juice in that snack backpack, and if I get water, I probably won't get juice" and then Miss Angie has to be all "Water or nothing, folks; we don't have juice today" and you get "I don't like water" and "I'm sick of water" and "I'm allergic to water" and then Miss Angie has to be all "SHUT UP."

No, seriously, it's more like "Ok, then don't drink anything."

But my point stands. It is vital to begin the week on the proper note--a shitty one. Graham crackers are shitty. So are bananas. It's a shitty snack all around; but you need to set the expectations as low as possible straight out of the gate. If you give them juice the first day, they're going to expect juice every goddamn day; if you give them water the first day, every single instance of juice which follows will be completely and utterly awesome, because they will always have the memory of that first shitty day when they had to drink water.

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