"Any woman who chooses to behave like a full human being should be warned that the armies of the status quo will treat her as something of a dirty joke. That's their natural and first weapon." ~ Gloria Steinem

Thursday, May 3, 2012

One Mistake Men Make When Dealing With Women

 There is a Cracked article that I read and felt the need to respond to. It is called 3 Mistakes Women Make When Dealing With Men and it can be found right here. The article has three points, obviously, and here they are, word for word:

3. Playing Hard To Get Is A Good Idea
2. Guys Are All About "Negging"
1. Being Slutty Is Empowering

I'm not even going to go there on #1. It should go without saying that I'm exhausted to death of men instructing women on how they should handle their sexuality; I'm not going to beat that particular dead horse, because it's just not worth my time. I'm not particularly interested in your slut-shaming, thanks.

I do, however, want to offer my own One Mistake Men Make When Dealing With Women, and it is this:

1. Sometimes, She's Just Not Interested

Without a doubt, the number one problem I used to have with dudes [i don't have problems with dudes in the same way anymore because i just see the one dude now] is dealing with the kind of dude who, apparently, wrote this column [gladstone, i generally enjoy your columns, and i enjoyed this one, but let me offer you this constructive criticism, which i am blogging rather than emailing you because you, rightly, don't care what random people on the internet think about your columns. but, i am a lady, so, maybe you should care a little. you arrogant comedy writer. calm down, i'm taken.].

Specifically, the kind of dude who has a combination of the thoughts expressed in numbers 2 and 3 in his head while he approaches women in public places. Specifically, a guy who 1) sincerely believes that a majority of single women play hard to get, and 2) has not realized that the advice to women offered re: negging also applies to dudes.

I can't tell you how many times I've inadvertently ended up talking to a dude for far longer than I would have chosen, had they not approached me while I was trapped on a bar stool and unable to walk away without looking like one of those "bitches" Dudes like to complain about. I have spent many minutes politely but disinterestedly responding to their inordinately dull conversation attempts, all the while wondering how it was that every guy in a ski town hadn't noticed that he wasn't the only person who'd moved there specifically to ski every day.

I once spent over an hour rejecting a Dude, telling him in no uncertain terms that not only did I not want to have a beer with him, I never wanted to see him again. Seriously, those were my exact words. "I don't want to go out with you again. I don't want to sleep with you again. I never want to see you again."

And none of it worked. He would not fucking listen to me; he kept yammering on about how you never know where you're going to find someone you connect with and you should give it a chance and he kept using the word "aspect" in ways that made no sense.

I mean, if you're going to complain about how women are always playing hard to get and why don't they just say what they mean, maybe you should give them the benefit of the doubt when they do say what they mean. How are women supposed to win at your silly little dating game when we're assumed to be playing hard to get no matter what we say?

If I was mean to these guys, I was a total bitch; if I was nice, I was leading them on. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

I will tell you right now that when a woman says what she means to a Dude, there's a good chance he won't believe her. There's a good chance that he's so wrapped up in himself and how awesome he is that it's never occurred to him that a chick wouldn't want to talk to and/or date him. When she tells you she never wants to see you again, maybe she really never wants to see you again, and she's not playing hard to get--you're just really boring and can't seem to figure out that women just want to be treated like goddamn people instead of mysterious puzzles that require codewords and guidebooks.

Maybe pause to consider that you might not be the catch you think you are, and not every woman in the world is falling over herself to date you. Think about it.

Then try to find one who does want to date you, because there are plenty of that kind of woman out there. Stop wasting your time on the ones who just wanted to have a drink with their friends.